Illustration by Bill Jordan

“Who just joined please?”

“Who just joined please?”

“Who just joined please?”

Conference calls are the Thunderdome of boredom. Ten men enter and nine men sleep. They are like Sunday afternoon before the discovery of Netflix. It takes ten minutes to call the roll of beeps. To discover who are the true vocal warriors. The winners, as is their custom, will claim their prize by accepting an invite to the next concall. Trophies are proudly posted to an Outlook Calendar like moose heads on a tavern wall. Their next challenge is exactly like the one they just attended and exactly like the one before that. Some thrive in this environment and can’t wait to dial in again. The rest?  Well they keep talking, but don’t take themselves off mute–too busy in Excel calculating the exact number of days until retirement to notice.